Dear Constance and Carolee,
I'm not sure how much of this I'll be able to say when I come to my last appointment, so I wanted to share this story and say thank you to you both on paper...just in case I can't choke out the words in person.
I began searching for you after my 6 week postpartum visit with my first pregnancy. I saw my OB expecting something...closure...a recap? I didn't know what to expect...but what I got (a quick glance at my stitches and a 2 minute chat about birth control) didn't meet my emotional needs. Giving birth has been (and I suspect always will be) the most sacred, spiritual experience of my life. I wanted my next provider to treat it as such.
When I got pregnant again I had done more research on birth options and I knew what I wanted. I had toured The Birth House and I had done a meet and greet with Carolee. I phoned you the second I saw two lines to ensure that there was room for me in your schedule. When I found out it was twins I really mourned the fact that I could not work with you or have an out-of-hospital birth. Granted, I know now that we always get what we need in life...and having twins has truly shaped me into the person I am today. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. However, I never quite let go of my desire to work with midwives or have an out-of-hospital birth.
My in-laws live out East Bay Drive so I pass by The Birth House on a regular basis. And every time I would pass by, I'd make a point of driving around the back to see if there was a car parked and a birth in progress...and a little part of me would ache with my desire to have another child and get to experience what that would be like. Mind you, life with 3 kids born within 23 months is quite hectic, so I had assumed that I had to be done having kids (or risk losing my mind).
But as the kids got older things settled down. The kids became more independent, our marriage recovered, and my husband got a bit of a raise at work. And suddenly the idea of having another little one seemed slightly less insane. My husband eventually felt that he too wanted another child. And so I would drive by The Birth House and wonder and hope and dream. Perhaps one day I would get to give birth there. But there were so many ifs...if we got pregnant...if it wasn't twins...if there weren't any complications...if...if...if...And yet a part of me just knew. I knew it was meant to be.
So when I did finally get pregnant, I relished every time I got to walk through the doors at The Birth House. It was like a fantasy...a dream come true. And the experience wasn't a disappointment. I relished all of the little differences..like talking to someone on the phone who knew my name and remembered who I was to schedule appointments...sitting on on a couch (not an exam table)...being offered tea...being really asked how I was doing and getting noticed...having my kids listen to the heart beat and help measure my belly. It was everything I had hoped it would be. And when the time came to finally give birth...and we drove to The Birth House...and we parked in those parking spots out back...and I got to walk up those steps in the quiet night to give birth to my baby? Well, there just aren't words. It was surreal. All of it. The beautiful decor and the soft candlelight and the lavender essential oil and the warm water and the peaceful ambiance. I remember tearing up as I paced around The Birth House in labor because it hit me that it was real...after years of hoping and dreaming and wishing...it was real. ...And then I got to give birth to my baby in the water just like I had always wanted. And I have never felt so incredibly blessed.
Later when I was sitting in the bed staring at my beautiful newborn baby, Carolee asked me, "Do you have any questions about your birth?" That simple question was very healing. That little moment of recognition was all that I needed and everything that I had missed 6 years prior in that postpartum visit with my first OB. I got to talk about my birth with the person who had helped me through it. And she talked about it like it was important to her as well...not like it was the second thing she checked off her to-do list that day.
I could go on and on about all the little moments like that one that stood out to me in my postpartum care. I felt so completely loved and held by both of you. I am so grateful for the sacred work that you do and the sacrifices you (and your families) make in order to do it. You have given me (and hundreds of other women) an experience that is truly special. And I know I will treasure my memories at The Birth House for the rest of my life. And (because I'm a little bit crazy) I will probably always drive around back of The Birth House on my way home from my in-laws to see if some little soul is making its way into the world..but now when I do so, I'll also get to remember the night that I welcomed Ava into my arms on those sacred grounds.
With eternal love and gratitude,
Meagan
I'm not sure how much of this I'll be able to say when I come to my last appointment, so I wanted to share this story and say thank you to you both on paper...just in case I can't choke out the words in person.
I began searching for you after my 6 week postpartum visit with my first pregnancy. I saw my OB expecting something...closure...a recap? I didn't know what to expect...but what I got (a quick glance at my stitches and a 2 minute chat about birth control) didn't meet my emotional needs. Giving birth has been (and I suspect always will be) the most sacred, spiritual experience of my life. I wanted my next provider to treat it as such.
When I got pregnant again I had done more research on birth options and I knew what I wanted. I had toured The Birth House and I had done a meet and greet with Carolee. I phoned you the second I saw two lines to ensure that there was room for me in your schedule. When I found out it was twins I really mourned the fact that I could not work with you or have an out-of-hospital birth. Granted, I know now that we always get what we need in life...and having twins has truly shaped me into the person I am today. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. However, I never quite let go of my desire to work with midwives or have an out-of-hospital birth.
My in-laws live out East Bay Drive so I pass by The Birth House on a regular basis. And every time I would pass by, I'd make a point of driving around the back to see if there was a car parked and a birth in progress...and a little part of me would ache with my desire to have another child and get to experience what that would be like. Mind you, life with 3 kids born within 23 months is quite hectic, so I had assumed that I had to be done having kids (or risk losing my mind).
But as the kids got older things settled down. The kids became more independent, our marriage recovered, and my husband got a bit of a raise at work. And suddenly the idea of having another little one seemed slightly less insane. My husband eventually felt that he too wanted another child. And so I would drive by The Birth House and wonder and hope and dream. Perhaps one day I would get to give birth there. But there were so many ifs...if we got pregnant...if it wasn't twins...if there weren't any complications...if...if...if...And yet a part of me just knew. I knew it was meant to be.
So when I did finally get pregnant, I relished every time I got to walk through the doors at The Birth House. It was like a fantasy...a dream come true. And the experience wasn't a disappointment. I relished all of the little differences..like talking to someone on the phone who knew my name and remembered who I was to schedule appointments...sitting on on a couch (not an exam table)...being offered tea...being really asked how I was doing and getting noticed...having my kids listen to the heart beat and help measure my belly. It was everything I had hoped it would be. And when the time came to finally give birth...and we drove to The Birth House...and we parked in those parking spots out back...and I got to walk up those steps in the quiet night to give birth to my baby? Well, there just aren't words. It was surreal. All of it. The beautiful decor and the soft candlelight and the lavender essential oil and the warm water and the peaceful ambiance. I remember tearing up as I paced around The Birth House in labor because it hit me that it was real...after years of hoping and dreaming and wishing...it was real. ...And then I got to give birth to my baby in the water just like I had always wanted. And I have never felt so incredibly blessed.
Later when I was sitting in the bed staring at my beautiful newborn baby, Carolee asked me, "Do you have any questions about your birth?" That simple question was very healing. That little moment of recognition was all that I needed and everything that I had missed 6 years prior in that postpartum visit with my first OB. I got to talk about my birth with the person who had helped me through it. And she talked about it like it was important to her as well...not like it was the second thing she checked off her to-do list that day.
I could go on and on about all the little moments like that one that stood out to me in my postpartum care. I felt so completely loved and held by both of you. I am so grateful for the sacred work that you do and the sacrifices you (and your families) make in order to do it. You have given me (and hundreds of other women) an experience that is truly special. And I know I will treasure my memories at The Birth House for the rest of my life. And (because I'm a little bit crazy) I will probably always drive around back of The Birth House on my way home from my in-laws to see if some little soul is making its way into the world..but now when I do so, I'll also get to remember the night that I welcomed Ava into my arms on those sacred grounds.
With eternal love and gratitude,
Meagan